Valor
by Nyaliss
Summary: Feelings can't always be followed.


Title: Valor

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Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha and all related characters. I'm just borrowing.

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. . . c o u r a g e . . .  
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The moon hung high and pregnant in the sky, her face shrouded by the heavy  
clouds that lumbered by. The stars shone painfully bright in contrast to  
the moon's dull glow as if the tiny pinpricks of light were leeching the  
orb's own. The sounds of battle came as if muffled by a suffocating blanket.  
A small voice in the back of my mind piped up meekly, pleading that I close  
my ears and shut my eyes and pretend that what was happening. . . was not.

I swallowed the temptation in much the same way I was greedily gulping down  
the sharp night air like a drowning man. My gaze lowered from the sky and  
focused uneasily on the ground beneath my feet. Bent and bleeding blades of  
grass greeted my eyes. If it had been another time, another place, I would  
have admired the scenery and declared this spot to be perfect for a lazy  
afternoon picnic.

Even if I saw tomorrow and the many days I hoped for, I would never again  
consider this secluded glen anything but a battlefield. It had become a  
setting for a continuing nightmare that was awkwardly chopped up into days  
and nights. Years upon years could pass and the ground here would still  
stink of black blood laced with madness. It wasn't a smell one could easily  
forget. It crawled up my nostrils, spread its fingers behind my eyes and  
lodged itself at my throat. I felt my stomach twist in protest, threatening  
to reintroduce me to the remains of my dinner.

I shuddered and lifted my eyes from the grass. The scene was familiar, so  
much so that I could have called it de ja vu were it not for the youkai  
that was proving itself far too hard to kill. There was Sango perched  
astride Kirara. Miroku was picking himself up from the ground. Shippou  
was jumping up and down frantically not a foot away from me. I watched a  
red and white blur streak towards the youkai before solidifying into the  
form of the hanyou known as Inuyasha.

My fingers closed convulsively around the graceful curve of the bow I held.

My chest tightened and my heart screamed silently against my ribs and resumed  
its panicked attempt to run away from this glen, this forest, this place and  
time even if the rest of my mind and body remained. For one breathless  
moment, I allowed my muscles to wind like a spring waiting to be released.  
For that brief eternity, I entertained the idea of fleeing and never looking back.

This was not the life I imagined for myself.

I was a teenager, a girl on the verge of womanhood. I had expected days spent  
in the confines of a schoolroom, of afternoons with friends and nights with  
family. I dreamt of someday attending a university. Somewhere in the sweet,  
romantic corners of my mind I had hoped to meet The One on a cool spring  
morning. Although lost in a sea of faces, our eyes would meet and recognition  
would spark. I would have married this dream man of mine. We would have had  
children: a boy with his eyes and a girl with my smile. It would have been  
a normal life, and yet it would have been exceptional.

I suddenly, desperately, wanted that life.

The youkai swatted Inuyasha away and turned slowly in my direction. It's  
hungry, maddened eyes met mine.

The wistful desire that had coiled around my heart was replaced by a previous  
and all too familiar emotion.

Fear.

It never quite left. Its aftertaste lingered at the back of my tongue long  
after any cause of it was gone and remained until another appeared.

My life, I suppose, could be called an adventure. There was humor, romance,  
action, magic and mysteries. There was also a lot of pain, death and the  
nightmares I had as a child made flesh.

I was pulled down a well by a creature that was something of a woman and more

of a centipede. I've encountered monsters that have made my throat hurt with  
the mindless desire to scream and scream and never stop. I've stared youkai  
in the eye that have wanted to eat me while I still breathed. I've seen many  
horrors and I am not ashamed to admit that I have been terrified.

I am still terrified.

I wished, ferverently, that I could be somewhere far from here. I longed for  
my mother's welcoming smile and soothing voice at the end of the day. I  
wanted to do nothing more remarkable than my homework. I missed Souta's  
teasing and grandpa's out of this world tales.

Perhaps if I closed my eyes that's all this would be: a tale.

The youkai took a step towards me.

I didn't move. It wasn't because I didn't want to. I couldn't.

A feral smile twisted its already grotesque features as it raised a hand with  
cruel claws. I noted, absently, that it was limping. I long ago decided that  
being afraid was not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it was a sign that my  
self preservation instincts were quite well. In this era that was not mine, surrounded  
by so many things, people and youkai that I did not understand, it would have been  
foolish of me not to be afraid.

I told my heart to slow down, scolded my frozen brain until it was calm. I  
felt my muscles loosen and I knew I had regained conscious control. I could  
run now if I wanted. Run home.

"Kagome!"

Inuyasha's growl reached me just as I leveled my bow and arrow at the youkai  
approaching me with movements as sluggish as molasses dripping from a spoon.  
Fear was a cold, numbing lump at the pit of my stomach. It was a metallic  
taste on my tongue, a mocking roar in my ears. It made my vision waver,  
my limbs tremble, my heartbeat stutter on a whimper. It hunkered over me as  
heavy and real as any demon I have ever faced.

I aimed.

Terrified though I was, I did not run. I could not. It wasn't responsibility  
that rooted my feet to the ground. It wasn't the hanyou whose golden gaze  
was wide and worried on my face. It wasn't Miroku, Sango, Kirara or even  
Shippou who was crouched beside me. Yes, they were the reasons on many other  
days. Yes, I fought for them. I laughed, lived and loved despite the trials  
and the tears because they were there. However, at this moment when my Fear  
was as tangible as the shirt on my back, I stayed for a different reason.

I stayed because I was afraid.

I stayed because I wanted no one else to feel what I felt, to fight as we fought.

I stayed because I was afraid of what horrors the future, my present, would hold if I ran.

The arrowhead began to glow, the heat radiating from it gently caressing myface.  
Half a heartbeat later, it was flying towards the youkai. Light burst around it just  
as it imbedded itself into the demon's chest, right between the third and fourth rib.  
A hiss filled the clearing as air from its lungs escaped. It made a gurgling sound  
when my energy began to purify and burn through its flesh. It was giggling. The  
sound stopped abruptly when Inuyasha gutted it with ruthless precision in one  
impatient swipe of his father's fang.

My feet carried me to the corpse and I bent to retrieve the tiny sliver of a shard  
swimming in the dead youkai's blood. It seemed to shiver before glowing a happy  
pink as I held it up for Inuyasha's ispection. He nodded.

I glanced up at the sky a bare minute after I had looked away from it.

The moon still looked like it had swallowed a child whole. The clouds were still  
dark splashes againts an even darker sky glittering with countless twittering stars.  
The sound of my companions' voices were muted, strange. A small voice spoke  
up beside me, "Kagome? It's time to go."

I glanced down at the kitsune and smiled gently.

This time, I could follow this voice.

-End-

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Author's Notes:  
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Oh hello. People actually read this? I wonder. . . Well, a couple of things:

1! This is my first piece of Inuyasha fanfiction.

2! The author was watching Inuyasha one day and decided that though she likes  
the series and finds Kagome a wonderful heroine and adores Sesshoumaru,  
she wouldn't ever want to fall into any magical wells any time soon.

This led her to her thinking.

This is very bad. She had to wait several days before she could fix her brain.

3! Feel free to email me with any comments at 

Please be polite.

4! Doritos and Twix are the best things since sliced bread!


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